Blah!!!

Ok so no idea what's wrong with me but I just feel really sad and pissed off right now? I should be happy.I mean I just started an awesome new job, I'm gonna get to see my sisters soon and my brother is gonna get to come down here soon and meet everyone. Yet for some godforsaken reason I just feel ugh. I don't know why and I really wish I could figure it out. I just wanna lay in bed and cry and never get up? I know I'm just weird. I have a great group of friends that I could talk to about almost anything and I guess I really just don't want to talk to them about this. I'm use to being the stong one, the one that everyone comes to when their upset and need a shoulder to cry on. I think alot of them would honestly freak out if I just randomly spilled all of this out and started crying. As I write all of this there is a bunch of them around me and I just can't talk to them. I don't know what to do.

Drunken minds speak sober hearts.

To be completely honest with you I never really believe that, until last night. To tell the whole story, one of my buddies from highschool who is more like a big brother than anything else is going to the Army on the 18th so we threw him a going away party last night. We all went over to his house and his mom made a bombass early Thanksgiving Dinner and we drank and chilled. Well Chewy, my "big brother" thanked all of us and asked his girlfriend to marry him! it was so cute we all almost cried right along with them. I was taking pictures because hello I love taking pictures of random things just to remember them and I took on of Dezy, Priscilla, and Caiti and there was a gray floatie in the picture and if you believe in the afterlife that usually means someone is with you in the picture and we all decided it was Dezy's mom which in turn made her cry. Well everyone thought she was crying because of Moose so he got pissed and left. Everyone got mad at him for just walking out on his son and a bunch of drama started and we all had screaming matches and then heart-to-hearts with everyone. I never really thought I would ever get to know Priscilla as well as I did last night but I'm glad I did. I've gained another lifetime friend better yet another sister. Caiti and I also talked out why we both hated eachother to begin with and I've gained another friend there. The way I look at it is ya we all had fights last night but we got alot of shit off our chests and talked everything out. We all needed that to grow. We all grew as individuals and our little dysfunctional family grew also. The fights sucked but we needed that and we're all better people for it and our relationships are all better and stronger for it.

A Day in History

Wow! I honestly never thought I would see this day come. Our country has elected a black president! I know some people are going to be racist and not even see the things he can and will do to help our country. He could be purple for all I care, as long as he does some good. He's made countless promises to this country and lets hope he just comes through with them. The one I was most excited to hear about is he wants to bring all troops home in the next 16 months! Can you believe that? I was in 7th grade when our men and women were first sent overseas, that's 7 years that they have been over there. Ya they might be doing some good helping other countries get back on their feet and creating a democracy, but seriously 7 years? Come on they need to come home already. I honestly think that they only reason that Bush sent troops to Iraq was to finish what his daddy started (Desert Storm). But that's just my opinion.

Eh?

OK so I know I haven't written in like months but ummm what's new? I quit my job at Valley. Finally. After much disagreement and just general bumping of heads I decided it was time to look for a new job. I found one with little effort. On the 17th I start with DDD (Department of Developmental Disabilities) State Run Services, basically the exact same thing I was doing at Valley just with better pay and benefits. I'm still hopefully going to see my sister and everyone else in December, just a mere few weeks! I accidently got in contact with my ex. Well not accidently I guess, I just didn't expect him to even care that I wanted to tell him Happy Birthday. To begin with I thought he had some alterior motive to want to talk to me and I was determined to figure it out without fucking with my own head. Long story short we've both done some much needed growing in the past couple years. I have come to accept a couple things. One being that no matter how much I wish it was different that he will always mean something to me and two that no matter how much I want it or try he will never be the man I wish he was. It sucks trust me but I guess I've come to terms with it and am rather proud of myself for reaching that point. I guess not much has happened. My great grandpa is really sick and has been for awhile. I really hope he pulls through but I guess if he doesn't it's just his time to go. He has lived a productive and long life. I just hope if and when he passes he does it peacefully and painlessly.